Gottman Method

The Gottman Method can even help couples who don't feel their level of conflict is problematic but are looking to understand their relationship better. The therapy is designed to help people at any stage of their relationship and regardless of race, class, or cultural identity. Research has shown it is also effective for same-sex couples.

What the Gottman Method Can Help With

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Given The Gottman Method takes this as its focus, it can help with a wide array of relationship issues, from frequent arguing to infidelity and emotional distance, which may seem unique but at their core are often the result of perpetual conflicts.

The Gottman Method can even help couples who don't feel their level of conflict is problematic but are looking to understand their relationship better.1 The therapy is designed to help people at any stage of their relationship and regardless of race, class, or cultural identity. Research has shown it is also effective for same-sex couples.

The Gottman Method is unique in its focus on perpetual versus resolvable conflicts. Understanding this difference is part of how this form of therapy can help couples positively change their relationship. By learning new ways to deal with perpetual conflicts, couples can replace negative conflict patterns with healthier ones.

Techniques

The ‘Sound Relationship House’ theory

is the foundation of the Gottman Method. It uses a house as a metaphor for a secure marriage. The theory identifies seven "floors" that a couple can move through to improve their relationship, along with two "weight-bearing walls," which are essential to holding the couple together. These are as follows:
Build Love Maps

This is the first floor of the Sound Relationship House and involves couples getting to know one another's inner psychological worlds.
Share Fondness and Admiration

On this floor, couples learn to overtly express appreciation and respect for each other to strengthen their bond.
Turn Towards, Not Away

This floor involves learning to notice when one's partner is seeking attention, affection, and comfort and responding accordingly.
The Positive Perspective

This floor helps partners learn to see one another positively, enabling them to see errors as matters of circumstance, not failures of the individual.
Manage Conflict

On this floor, couples learn to manage conflict through a three-step process. First, partners take each other's feelings into account. Next, partners learn to discuss their problems. Finally, when a partner starts to feel overwhelmed during conflict, they learn techniques to self-soothe to keep their cool.
Make Life Dreams Come True

The second to last floor centers on supporting and championing one's partner in their dreams and goals.
Create Shared Meaning

The top floor mirrors the first floor in that it involves understanding an inner world, but in this case, it's the couple's inner world and entails uncovering the rituals and stories that have shared meaning for them.
Trust and Commitment

The two weight-bearing walls of the Sound Relationship House help couples work through the seven floors. Trust enables couples to believe they can rely on one another and feel like they're a team, and commitment means couples have agreed to stick together and improve their relationship.