Why We Worry
Written by: Barbara Jandu, M.A., AMFT 120259
May 1, 2023
There are several things we can think of to worry about every day. If we can figure out why we do so, it may help us to choose healthier coping skills instead. Here are some of the main reasons we humans worry:
Always Anxious
There are two types of anxiety: short-term state anxiety and chronic trait anxiety. State anxiety is a temporary psychological and physiological reaction to a stressful situation. It’s actually pretty adaptive. On the other hand, trait anxiety is more of an always-on-alert condition that, if left untreated, can lead to some not-so-healthy conditions. But before you heap self-criticism on top of trait anxiety, it’s important to know that this chronic fear response may have started off as its more adaptive counterpart during times of trauma. It’s also important to know that both kinds of anxiety are treatable.
Busy Brain
Our brains are always ‘on’, even when we’re sleeping. During the daytime, our “little grey cells” are analyzing and problem-solving, learning and remembering, planning and implementing. It’s nonstop! Even at night when we curl up in bed, our brains are integrating all that we’ve learned and experienced throughout the day. Usually, that time is also for rest and repair.
Conflation or Confusion
Worry tricks our brains into feeling like we’re doing something productive. When we engage in the ‘What if…’ game, it seems we’re doing ourselves a favor. It’s as if we can ward off any impending negative circumstances by devoting time and energy to concentrating on them. Sometimes, we combine what we know about problem solving with the unhealthy belief that trying to prepare for every possible negative outcome is somehow helpful, even though we know from experience that it increases our distress. It can get really exhausting! So how do we rest, repair, or even just relax when some of us tend towards constant high alert and others just don’t know what to do instead Here are a few ideas:
CALM THE CURIOSITY
In the world of psychology, there’s a skill that we call ‘tolerance of ambiguity’; it’s the ability to calmly deal with the unknown. None of us can predict what tomorrow will bring and very few uncertain situations actually turn out to be dangerous or threatening. Rather than losing sleep, you can try this experiment: First, write down what you believe about ‘knowing’. Next, describe what coping technique you used the last time something triggered this belief about feeling uncertain. Then, purposely create a situation where you don’t know the outcome. And finally, compare what actually happens to what you expect to happen. The more you practice this, the more your tolerance will grow.
LOVINGLY LIST
Before going to bed, if you’re concerned about the thing you must accomplish the next day, you could try very briefly jotting down a quick ‘to-do’ list and let that part of your brain take the night off. Be careful not to lapse into anxious self-talk. By keeping it simple and straightforward as if you’re making a grocery list, you may notice yourself drifting off to sleep more easily.
WORRY DURING A WINDOW
Here’s how this works: Set an alarm for the same time each day. During this time, write down every single anxious thought you can for a full 15 minutes. If you find yourself starting to worry outside of this window, just remind yourself in a very gentle way, “Thank you, brain, for trying to keep me safe. We’ll write this down during the Worry Window. Until then, we can set this aside.” You may even find yourself pleasantly surprised. Some who have practiced this for several days or weeks have noticed that when their Worry Time comes around, many of the things they previously found perturbing either weren’t important enough to include or better yet, that they couldn’t even remember what they were upset about. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
~”Matthew 6:25-27
Photo by Cut in A Moment on Unsplash
