June Bloom
Written by: Barbara Jandu, M.A., AMFT 120259
June 1, 2023
Growing up in Southern California, each year I’d experience something called ‘June Gloom’: overcast mornings followed by sunny afternoons. In the Bay Area, we’ve had a very extended springtime that feels almost like English weather. Yet, we’re also seeing flowers and trees in bloom like never before! This led me to ponder…what can we do to experience an internal sense of blooming? Here are a few ideas for ‘June Bloom’:
Honor Humility
In Elizabeth Barrett’s Enneagram 2 book, she writes that not showing our needs to anyone else is a form of pride. She encourages her readers to practice ten days of humility in its various forms. But what is humility?
C.S. Lewis wrote that if you meet a truly humble man, he won’t be “always telling you that, of course, he is nobody” but rather, “he will not be thinking about himself at all.” It seems we sort of have it backward in our society by equating humility with self-deprecation or even self-loathing.
A wise mentor once told me that humility is more about having a right view of oneself, embracing all of our strengths, quirks, and areas where we need to grow. I like that definition. Embracing all of who we are is the first step in blooming.
Say ‘No’ to Negative Self-Talk
Automatic thoughts happen so quickly that researchers measure them in microseconds. They’re natural and can even be adaptive. For example, it’s better to jump to the false conclusion that a tree branch is a mountain lion’s tail than the other way around. But it’s not good for us when automatic thoughts are habitually negative. How do we change this?
The first step is to simply notice when it’s happening. Try keeping a tally on a blank piece of paper for a week to see how often your inner critic shows up. Next, you can try softening what you say just a little bit. Instead of telling yourself, “I’m so stupid!” maybe try, “Oh, that wasn’t my best choice.”
When you’re ready, you can start confronting the automatic negative thoughts directly. You might try putting your thought on trial, giving evidence for or against it. Or perhaps you could run it through the THINK filter, asking yourself if the thought is:
True?
Helpful?
Inspiring?
Necessary right now?
Helpful to myself or others?
And then there’s my favorite: the cognitive continuum. I draw a line horizontally across the top of a piece of paper. On one side, I write the negative opinion of myself. On the other side, I write the opposite. Then I make a list. For example, if I think I am a “bad mom”, I write all the things the most terrible mother in the world would do. Then on the opposite side, I write “good mom” and I write the things a nurturing mother would do. After doing this exercise, it’s often the case that a person will find that somewhere in the middle or even toward the positive side is more accurate. Speaking to ourselves with truth and kindness is the second step toward blooming.
Be Positively Playful!
Springtime is the ideal time to embrace one’s inner child. This can mean anything from a rousing game of cards to playing in the dirt (aka: gardening). For a fun experiment, try blowing soap bubbles. Not only is this a playful way to have a lot of fun, it also stimulates deep breathing and can help you experience a sense of calm.
You might even re-embrace one of your childhood hobbies. When was the last time you rode a bike or skateboard? What about basketball or street hockey? Or even just dancing like you really mean it?
Other forms of play might be more meditative in nature, such as drawing, painting, walking, or a trip to the beach. Whatever you do this season, give yourself permission to bloom!
“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” ~Proverbs 4:23
Photo by Madeleine Maguire on Unsplash
