Taming your Triggers
Written by: Barbara Jandu, M.A., AMFT 120259
February 1, 2024
If you’ve ever experienced an unpleasant emotion go from 0 to 100 instantaneously, you know what a trigger feels like! Taming them sort of depends on what kind you’re experiencing. Read on for some real-life advice mixed with some neuro-geek-speak just for fun!
Alarming Associations (mental)
Associations such as ‘I don’t like this certain color or sound or phrase because it reminds me of the trauma or loss’ are uncomfortable but manageable because our front brain is still fully online while it’s happening. The hippocampus also helps by making sense of things while the left prefrontal cortex helps us reframe even before a real trigger can happen.
Author Carolyn King gives the example of a trauma survivor who disliked trees because it reminded the person of where the abuse took place. By engaging in a positive visualization and practicing reframing trees as beautiful and life-giving, this person replaced a negative association with a positive one - in an orchard!
Dealing with Distressing Memories (emotional)
When the front brain stays mostly in charge, we can still recognize that we’re feeling triggered. The amygdala is concerned with fear & anger, but the hippocampus gives the context as to why this thing, phrase, sound, or look is distressing.
The key here is to use a body-based self-soothing technique to get the right orbitofrontal cortex (near your eyeball) back online, so we can manage the distress while it’s actually happening.
I love breathing exercises. The best method I’ve found is a 4-7-4-7 pattern. Breathe in for four seconds then exhale for seven seconds. The out-breath is what activates the parasympathetic nervous system (also known as the rest & digest system), which allows us to calm down, especially if done with mindfulness.
This is a good time to use some positive affirmations, such as, “I’m safe now. My body and brain have just noticed something and are trying to protect me. It’s reminding me of something from the past but it’s not happening now. I can just breathe.” Once our bodies are calm, our right frontal brain can calm down too. This is the part of the brain that’s associated with positive connections with a good attachment figure, giving us the feeling of a safe haven, even just by imaging them.
True Triggers (physical)
True triggers can send our entire nervous system into a flashback re-experiencing of a trauma. The frontal cortex goes offline while the back brain and amygdala run the show. This all happens within about 7 milliseconds.
This can look like: a panic attack…or an uncontrollable unleashing of angry words…or a deer-in-the-headlights shutdown on the outside accompanied by a racing heart on the inside.
The best way to deal with true triggers in the moment is with the phrase, ‘Just notice’ – that can help get the prefrontal cortex aware of what’s going on again.
Many times, though, dealing with it comes after the fact – when we’re embarrassed about how we’ve reacted. Self-criticism sends the message to our brains that we’re under attack again - from our own internal critic! Replaying, rehearsing, and ruminating tells our amygdala to stay on high alert. This keeps the cycle going.
In Brene’ Brown’s Netflix special A Call to Courage, she talks about ‘the story I’m telling myself’. Spoiler alert: Her husband was definitely not thinking how terrible she looked in her swimsuit, but her false narrative was very convincing.
When true triggers hit, they seem to come out of nowhere, and it feels like we’re going to die. If we compound that by believing the false narrative, this also keeps the cycle going. Next time a trigger hits, we’re convinced whatever just upset us needs to be resolved right now! But…if we can trust the process enough to speak the truth with a compassionate, loving voice to ourselves (i.e., “I’m just triggered,” … “It’s just a reminder of something from the past,”… “It’s just my amygdala trying to keep me safe” … “It’s just a word that reminds me of something bad”), then the calming down process happens more quickly. And the more we practice, the easier it becomes. The easier it becomes, the more able we are to engage in healthy relationships with ourselves and others.
“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” ~Ephesians 4:15
Barbara Jandu, MA, AMFT 120259
