Making a Match: How to Find a Therapist Who’s Right for You

Written by: Barbara Jandu, M.A., AMFT 120259

May 1, 2024

Nail Down Your Needs

Looking for a therapist to help you navigate a life transition such as a career change is much different than finding someone to walk alongside you in grief. If you suspect you have a particular diagnosis, such as depression or anxiety, that will also help inform your decision. If you have a history of trauma, it’s good to ask if the therapist you are considering is trained in trauma-focused interventions.

Beyond Boundaries

There are legal and ethical reasons that your therapist can’t be your friend. If you have what’s known as a dual relationship, it may create role confusion and impede your progress. I like to tell my clients that a therapeutic relationship is like two people caring for the same person. The therapist and the client work together for the client’s benefit.

Dialing in Demographics

If you are someone who has gone through life feeling marginalized, it may be very comforting to talk to someone who looks like or identifies in a similar manner as you. Some people will want to make sure their therapist has a certain type of degree or similar life experiences. Others will look for a therapist who is allied with a particular population.

Synching Styles

In my January 2022 blog entitled, All Those Acronyms, I touch on a few theoretical orientations or interventions a therapist might use. In general, it’s important to understand if a therapist’s approach is primarily directive, passive, or a bit of both - and why.

Interim Intervals

There are 168 hours in a week, and the typical therapy session is about 45-55 minutes. If you are the type of person who prefers to have something to do in between sessions in order to maintain your momentum, then definitely be sure to communicate that and see if your therapist is the type who assigns homework or experiential activities to keep you on track with your goals.

Galvanize Your Goals

One of the first questions I tend to ask clients is about their goals for therapy. because the whole process is about how you will be changed by the end of it. I invite my clients to imagine themselves on our last day of therapy together and think of the things they will have learned, the breakthroughs they might have, and the growth they will have experienced.

Examining ‘Eclectic’

Let’s go back to the idea of theoretical orientations. When asked, the vast majority of therapists today would describe themselves as ‘integrative’ or ‘eclectic’, meaning that they combine various schools of thought depending on the needs of the client in front of them. It’s okay to ask about a therapist’s top three or four ‘go-to’ orientations and ask for a description of each.

Couples Counseling

In general, couples counseling is rather different from individual therapy. First of all, it tends to be more directive. Also, there are not just two people in the room. There’s what I refer to as the ‘third client’, which is the relationship itself. Finding someone who will be therapeutically neutral is crucial to help couples find their way together.

Money Matters

If you have insurance, new laws require insurance companies to cover mental healthcare just as they would physical healthcare. So even if a therapist doesn’t bill insurance directly, you should receive at least some reimbursement. If you are in financial distress, some therapists also offer sliding scale rates.

Simply Start

Research shows that from the very first phone call, people tend to experience hope for healing, and that hope is very powerful. You can try a website like Psychology Today or Christian Counseling Center San Jose to start comparing. Many therapists will offer a free phone consultation to make sure it’s a good therapeutic match. So don’t delay – if you feel like therapy might be helpful for you, give it a try!

“If any of you lacks wisdom [to guide you through a decision or circumstance], you are to ask of [our benevolent] God, who gives to everyone generously and without rebuke or blame, and it will be given to you.” ~James 1:5

Photo credit: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Barbara Jandu, MA, AMFT 120259