How to Say “No” (and Still Have People Like You)

Oct 1

Written by: Lori Howard, MA, LMFT #126074

October 1, 2025

Fall brings a welcome change in the weather, pumpkin-spiced everything, and—let’s be honest—a hectic sports schedule that can overwhelm even the most organized families.

For mothers especially, it can be difficult to say no, even when that still, small voice says you’ve already taken on too much. And for people-pleasers, saying no can feel nearly impossible.

Does this sound like you?

I’m not a people-pleaser. I have boundaries (I think?) and can say yes or no when I want—except, of course, if my kids need something, because it’s my job to meet their every need, right?

I can do that for you! Of course, I’ll rearrange my schedule to help/show up/drop everything—because I want you to know I care about you.

And then…

I feel frustrated when you don’t reciprocate. After all that I did for you! I wish I had just said no—or at least waited before responding. Next time, I’ll do better.

If that sounds like you (or someone you know), here are a few practical ways to start saying no without guilt.

1. Reflect on What You Need

Take a few moments to check in with yourself—not just on what others want from you.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or overcommitted, ask yourself the magic question:

“If I woke up tomorrow and all my problems were solved, what would life look like?”

The answer will often point you toward what truly matters—and what you can release by saying no.

2. Allow Yourself to Say No to Others

This can feel uncomfortable at first, but boundaries build healthier relationships.

Friendship: If a friend calls to vent about parenting, partners, or drama and you don’t have the emotional space, it’s okay to say, “I want to listen, but I can’t right now. Can we talk later?”

Family: If your child forgets their lunch, homework, or sports gear, resist the urge to rescue them. Saying no teaches responsibility, resilience, and independence. They’ll survive—and they’ll learn.

Work: If your boss or colleague requests the impossible, push back respectfully: “I can get this to you by [realistic date].” That “no” communicates the true scope of your workload and sets healthier expectations.

3. Allow Yourself to Say No to Yourself

This one may be the hardest. We pile pressure on ourselves to “do it all.” Giving yourself grace means recognizing when to step back.

Ask: What would happen if I said no?

“If I skipped today’s workout and rested instead, what would happen?”
“If I stopped doomscrolling—which always leaves me feeling worse—what would happen?”
“If I resisted the urge to fix everyone else’s problems, what would happen?”

Most of the time, the world won’t fall apart. In fact, you’ll find new space for peace.

The Power of No

At its core, saying no is about listening to that quiet inner voice that already knows when enough is enough. Protecting your time and energy doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you more present and available when you say yes.

When you honor your boundaries, you don’t just protect yourself. You also show the people around you what healthy, balanced living looks like.

And that’s something everyone can like you for.