Defeating Division
Written by: Barbara Jandu, MA, AMFT #120259
November 1, 2024
In my recent blog post entitled Individual Identity, I listed a number of ways in which a person might identify, including occupation, gender, or education. For some, it’s a sports team. For others, it’s a political affiliation. Both sports and elections tend to bring about some very strong feelings in
people. This season, I invite you to ponder a few concepts.
Choose Wisely
Joel & Luke Smallbone wrote a song that describes a person’s lament over the nightly news. Later, these words are sung:
“Oh, hear my prayer tonight, & cause this is do or die The time has come to make a choice
And I choose Joy!”
Joy? Well, that seems like an odd thing to choose during anxious times. But indeed, we must recognize that we have many choices to make – and not all of them can be encapsulated on a ballot.
Calm the Chaos
When the sport of auto racing was just starting out, drivers discovered that the cars that didn’t overheat had a better chance of winning the race. Hence, the term ‘May cooler heads prevail’ was born. In tense situations, you can choose to remain calm by taming your triggers and employing a variety of self-soothing techniques, such as diaphragmatic breathing or grounding exercises. Then, you can practice nonviolent, respectful, and clear communication.
Lose the Labels
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), there’s the concept of Cognitive Distortions. In other words, there are ways in which we think that just aren’t super helpful. One of those is labeling. For example, I may label myself a ‘loser’ when I experience a setback, which does not take into account the many successes I’ve had in my life. When we label ourselves, we often limit our potential. Another way labeling shows up is when we label people as ‘other’. For example, in my own life, we are expecting new neighbors to move in. When they arrive, I could focus on all the ways in which they are different, or I could choose to see the many ways we are similar. When we label others, we forget the totality of their personhood.
Notice the Nuance
Each of us are more than the sum of our parts. We are mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical beings with varying thoughts, opinions, feelings, and preferences that change throughout our lifetimes - and sometimes even within the same day! In his book, No Bad Parts, Dr. Richard Schwartz describes how we each house a number of our own inner voices. Some are proactively trying to protect us, while others may be more reactive. Still others are exiled – feelings that simply aren’t safe to express. Schwartz goes on to say that the true Self is comprised of the characteristics of curiosity, compassion, calm, clarity, creativity, confidence, courage, and connectedness.
Ponder Perspectives
May we take a moment to truly pause and ponder one another’s perspectives with a sense of curiosity rather than judgment, with calm instead of anger, and most of all, with compassion.
‘Knowing their thoughts, Jesus told them: “Every kingdom divided against itself is headed for destruction, and no city or house divided against itself will stand.”’ ~Matthew 12:25
Photo by Joel Vodell on Unsplash
Barbara Jandu, MA, AMFT #120259
Barbara is a compassionate Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who strives to create a safe environment for you to communicate, heal, and grow. She uses an evidence-based, strengths-focused, integrative approach to help you meet your goals.
