Supporting Your Teen Through College Decision Season:
Applying Love & Logic parenting to the emotions and decision-making ahead
Written by: Chi V. Tran, MA, LMFT #151003
April 15, 2025
Photo designed on Freepik
I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it’s been years. The rush of excitement over an acceptance letter, the sinking feeling of a small envelope in the mail—these moments are etched into my memory. Equally vivid are the words and actions of the adults around me. Some were supportive and reassuring, while others, though well-meaning, left me feeling more pressure than comfort.
If you are the parent of a high school senior, you may be watching your teen navigate this same emotional rollercoaster. College admissions season, stretching from March through early May, brings waves of anticipation, joy, and disappointment. As decision deadlines approach, you might find yourself feeling a mix of pride, anxiety, or nostalgia over your own high school experiences.
So, how can you best support your teen during this pivotal time? How you show up in these moments can make a lasting impact on how they process their admissions results and transition into this next chapter of life. Your approach now can also shape how they navigate future transitions, influence their self-perception, and support their mental health.
How Parenting Styles Influence the College Decision Process
Having worked with high school seniors as both a school-based therapist and now as a teen therapist in private practice, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside many teens and their families through this transition. Some teens feel immense internal pressure to succeed. Others struggle under the weight of parental expectations or the competitive atmosphere among peers. Yet, I have also witnessed incredible resilience in teens who are given the space and support to process this journey on their own terms. Throughout, I’ve seen firsthand how different parenting approaches influence a teen’s experience of the college admissions process. Parenting styles play a significant role in how teens experience their college acceptances and rejections. Foster Cline and Jim Fay, authors of Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, outline four parenting styles that can be helpful to consider—especially during college decision season:
Helicopter Parents
Much like a hovering emergency helicopter ready to swoop in at any moment, these parents intervene at every turn to prevent their teen from experiencing discomfort.
During college admissions season, this may look like:
Completing applications for their teen.
Contacting admissions offices to advocate on their behalf.
Pushing for appeals, even when the teen is not interested.
While the intention is often to protect and support, this approach can inadvertently hinder a teen’s ability to develop independence and responsibility.
Drill Sergeant Parents
Drill sergeant parents take control, issuing strict directives and expecting compliance. They tend to make major decisions on behalf of their child with little input from them.
During college admissions season, this may look like:
Insisting their teen apply only to specific schools.
Disregarding their child’s interests or preferences.
Imposing strict consequences if expectations are not met.
While structure and high expectations can be beneficial, excessive control can lead to anxiety, resentment, and a lack of confidence in decision-making.
Laissez-Faire Parents
This parenting style takes a hands-off approach, assuming that teens should be entirely self-sufficient without guidance or support.
During college admissions season, this may look like:
Saying, “It’s your future, figure it out,” without offering any direction.
Not checking in about applications, financial aid, or decision-making.
Leaving their teen to navigate this major transition alone.
While fostering independence is important, a complete lack of parental involvement can leave teens feeling overwhelmed and unsupported.
Consultant Parents
Like a trusted advisor, consultant parents offer guidance while allowing their teen to take the lead. They provide a balanced mix of support and autonomy, encouraging their teen to make informed decisions while standing by as a steady presence.
During college admissions season, this may look like:
Engaging in open discussions about potential options without imposing personal preferences.
Helping their teen consider financial, academic, and personal factors while letting them make the final choice.
Encouraging problem-solving and self-advocacy.
According to Cline and Fay, this approach fosters responsibility, confidence, and resilience in soon-to-be adults.
How you respond and what you say to your teen during this season can make a world of difference. Let’s talk about ways to use that influence for good.
Practical Ways to Support Your Teen’s Decision-Making Process
1. Regulate Your Own Emotions
Your teen needs you to be their steady anchor. If you find yourself reacting too strongly—whether celebrating an acceptance or feeling crushed by a rejection—pause and center yourself. Then, verbalize your emotions in a way that also leaves room for your teen’s feelings:
Say: “I’m so proud of you for putting yourself out there. This process is tough, and I admire your hard work.”
Say: “I know this decision feels big, but no single letter defines your future.”
Modeling emotional regulation helps your teen manage stress and ensures that your emotions don’t overshadow their experience.
2. Listen More Than You Talk, Ask More Than You Advise
Your teen’s future is their journey. Instead of rushing to offer advice, engage them in conversation:
Say: “What are you thinking your next step will be?”
Say: “How can I support you right now?”
This allows them to take ownership of their decisions while knowing they have your support.
3. Let Them Process Their Emotions
Rejection stings. Instead of minimizing their feelings, validate them:
Avoid saying: “Don’t be upset, this school wasn’t right for you anyway.”
Say: “It’s completely normal to feel disappointed. Take your time to process. I’m here if you want to talk.”
Giving teens space to feel their emotions fosters self-awareness and resilience.
4. Respect Their Autonomy While Offering Support
Avoid forcing conversations they aren’t ready for. Instead, offer support on their terms:
Say: “I’m happy to go over next steps whenever you’re ready.”
Say: “I trust you to lead this process, and I’m here to help however you need.”
Your steady presence is invaluable. Giving your teen control over when and how they engage will increase their openness to your support.
5. Encourage Problem-Solving for Next Steps
If they didn’t get into their top choice, guide them toward solutions:
Say: “What options are you considering now?”
Say: “Would you like to explore gap year programs or transfer pathways?”
Encouraging creative and critical thinking fosters adaptability.
Final Thoughts
College decision season is an emotional time for both teens and parents. By regulating your own emotions, adopting a consultant parenting approach, and fostering open communication, you can help your teen navigate this transition with confidence and resilience.
If this article resonated with you and you need support during this season, you’re not alone. Therapy can help. Reach out to our counseling center to connect with a therapist who can support your teen—or yourself—during this important transition.
Chi V. Tran, MA, LMFT #151003
Chi is a compassionate Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who aims to help her clients find new pathways of understanding, new ways of relating to themselves and others, and new ways of being that better facilitate their health and wholeness.
