Times of Transistion
Written by: Barbara Jandu, M.A., AMFT 120259
September 1, 2024
This time of year is often referred to as a “shoulder season”. Cool days are interspersed with heat waves, as summer’s last attempt to hold on eventually releases us into the rhythms of autumn.
Some of our friends have adult children going away to college or getting married. Others are deciding on a new career, finding a life partner, or trying to conceive a baby. Still others may be trying to choose a major or working on developing their own identity.
In every season, there’s a transition – a place where we must leave behind something old in order to embrace what lies ahead. So how do we do that? A trusted colleague recently recommend a book entitled Transitions, by Dr. William and Susan Bridges. Below are some of their rules to remember alongside my own voice of encouragement. In my work as a clinician, their overarching concept of the order in which transitions might happen has been quite handy.
Rules to Remember
You might come back to old activities in a new way
that’s okay
Every transition begins with an ending
grief may be needed here
Even though it’s to your benefit to understand your own style, you may find yourself resisting that understanding
just notice it
The same way a farmer leaves a field unsown between seasons, there’s a fallow stage, so you don’t get depleted
rest in this
From Disengaging to Deciding
The ending process is filled with little steps along the way. I have found that while in some cases they’re nearly imperceptible, other times they take a great deal of effort. These steps include disengaging from whatever is behind us, letting go of some of the old ways of identifying ourselves, maybe some disenchantment or disorientation along the way, and finally deciding what to let go & what to keep.
The Messy Middle
This phase includes acceptance and alone time. A daily practice of mindfulness can really help here. It often includes an autobiographical look at who we’ve been in the past. This stage can take as much or as little time as we need - until eventually, each of us, in our own way, comes to decide what we really want for the next stage.
Now What’s Next?
The new opportunities we seek could be found when we’re really ready for them - or they may happen when we’re not even looking for them at all! This phase includes renewal and realignment. We may receive an idea in a dream or in something we hear from a friend or trusted mentor. Somewhere along this path, we may notice ourselves thriving more than just surviving. This is where the self-sabotage stops. Step-by-step we find ourselves engaging in new patterns, integrating what we’ve learned, and re-engaging with life in a whole new way.
If you find yourself getting stuck in any of these areas, reach out to a qualified therapist who can help you find your way through.
To everything there is a season; a time for every matter or purpose under heaven’
~Ecclesiastes 3:1
Photo by Clément Rémond on Unsplash
Barbara Jandu, MA, AMFT 120259
