Gifts of Gratitude
Written by: Barbara Jandu, MA, AMFT #120259
October 1, 2024
As we head into Thanksgiving season here in North America, I am reminded of how sunflowers turn their faces toward the sun, even on cloudy days. In doing so, they continue to bloom and grow. In similar, gratitude can permeate even the darkest areas of our lives and make the sweetest moments all the better.
Determining a Definition
There are many definitions of gratitude. I like one by Dr. Brené Brown that captures some of its heartfelt nuances: “Gratitude is an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives, and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others.”
With that in mind, let’s turn our attention to what gratitude is not: It’s not simply toxic Pollyanna positivity. It’s unwise to advise hurting people to just be thankful for horrible things that happen. Gratitude is not denying feelings. When we’re in the muck and mire, we have to first acknowledge - with as much self-compassion as we can muster - that the situation truly stinks, knowing that we’re not alone and speaking kindly to ourselves.
Still, after coming out of some of life’s grimmest seasons, many people do find that they’ve had a huge perspective shift, reassessed their priorities, and finally landed upon an appreciation for meaningful moments. So how do we get there?
Overcoming Obstacles
Gratitude aids us in taking back our power from depression, anxiety, and anger. It does so by helping us to overcome negative self-talk and unhelpful ways of thinking. For example, if I am experiencing depression, I might say to myself, “My whole life stinks,” and then go out the door to take a walk. On my walk, I may notice a lovely hummingbird or receive a friendly greeting from a neighbor’s puppy. Suddenly, my perspective changes. It gives me just enough space to let go of the all-or-nothing thinking to acknowledge, “Maybe there are some good things in my life.”
For some, thankfulness shifts attention away from the catastrophizing and what-if thinking that fuels anxiety. For others, appreciation is a secret weapon to guard against the kind of anger that can interfere with experiencing life to its fullest.
Finding Your Focus
I imagine many of our lives feel too busy to pause and mindfully ponder our surroundings. So we ‘time-travel’: to the past with anger, regret, or shame; or to the future with worry and self-doubt. To nudge yourself out of that headspace, it’s important to begin with mindfulness and self-compassion. Start by just non-judgmentally noticing where you are focusing your attention.
Then, like shining a flashlight on all the goodness in your life, gratitude can help you subtly shift your perspective. The unpleasant and difficult things are still there, but they can begin to fade into the background. That lovely little distraction is sometimes just what you need.
Pleasant Payoffs
Dr. Robert Emmons, in his book Gratitude Works, shares some positive outcomes he noticed with various research participants, including:
Increased energy and enthusiasm
Success in personal goals
Greater resilience
More sense of purpose
Higher levels of self-confidence and self-worth
The easiest way to begin a gratitude practice is by keeping a journal of things that are meaningful to you. For more ideas, see my 2021 blog post, Thankful Thursdays. The practice of gratitude keeps us on track toward mindfully experiencing joy in the good times as well as maintaining hope during difficult seasons. If you need extra support, reach out to a friend or qualified therapist. We’re here to help.
“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—focus your thoughts on these things.” ~Philippians 4:8
Barbara Jandu, MA, AMFT #120259
Barbara is a compassionate Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who strives to create a safe environment for you to communicate, heal, and grow. She uses an evidence-based, strengths-focused, integrative approach to help you meet your goals.