Sometimes I worry my choices are just automatic
Written by: Deb Marsella, AS, ACC, CPCC
May 1, 2023
Have you ever been driving on the freeway and missed your exit OR gotten to your destination and wondered, “How the heck did I get here?” These are the moments I catch myself and ask, “Who is driving the car?”
I was in my early twenties when my self-development trek began. Initially, I was hoping to graduate and then blissfully ride off into the sunset. It took years to realize and accept that “waking up” was a daily practice of small, sweet steps.
When I think back on the origins of my journey, I see how circumstances in my life at the time left me feeling broken and that some part of me was to blame: it was my fault, and I felt I had to understand in order to feel better. Truth be told, I was so busy managing my external environment that I really had no idea who I was, and more importantly, if I even mattered. At what point do we fall asleep to the essence of who we are and what we came here to do?
Some say that when a baby is born, they’re still very much attached to the world of spirit, which probably explains why so many of us are drawn to newborns. At what age do we forget? When does personality form to help us interact with the environment we are born into? And when does the soul or essence take a backseat to that very persona or ego we created to help us cope?
In the documentary, “The Wisdom of Trauma”, Gabor Mate said, “Trauma means disconnection from ourselves. Why do we get disconnected? Because it’s too painful to be ourselves.” Our core personality is a coping strategy to deal with trauma experienced in childhood. He goes on to say, “Underneath that traumatized persona, there is a healthy individual who has never found (their venue for expressing) their authentic humanity. Are we free? Are we conscious? Are we deciding based on full AWARENESS or are we driven by UNCONSCIOUS dynamics that we developed as a response to childhood trauma?”
Sure, your choices can just be automatic – but with greater awareness, they can also be conscious and made from your most authentic you…
Just who is driving YOUR car?
If you have felt a disconnect between yourself and your actions, perhaps it’s time to take control again and get back in the driver's seat! Whether it’s a deep dive with the help of a therapist to understand why you disconnected in the first place and to help you heal; or the support of a life coach to help you take the wheel, building the skills needed to increase your mental fitness so you stay pointed in the direction YOU are wanting and choosing to go.
Deb Marsella, AS, ACC, CPCC
Associate Certified Coach (ACC), Certified Co-Active Professional Coach (CCPC)
